This Blog Is Rated:

So ... I'm not sure but i think I've mentioned that Dick has not been getting the kids for his visitation. So this is his weekend. You know.. that one time that i get two not even whole days to do as i please.. and what i need to get done... god bless my children I don't know what I'd do without them.. but when you are the sole responsibility of two toddlers.. a break is in order every once in a while. And I'm trying to not feel guilty about that. So The phone just rings

**** WARNING: this is where we go rated Dick*********************

It is dick.. and he says.. if i have to get the kids later and not early on Friday or not get them at all this weekend would that be alright? I'm like.. and say.. "What!!" in calm horrified amazement... he says.. Do you remember Angel (name changed) I say who? as my brain is not functioning out of the shock yet. He says.. Angel Died last night and my dad is finding out when the wake and funeral is... if it is in Tennessee then I have to drive. And wont get the kids. I say "ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!? You aren't going to get the kids at all this weekend"" He then says.. I'm just fucking asking are you listening to a damn thing I'm saying!!" I'm asking if you have plans or if that would be okay" I say.. "Dick I kind of have plans... I get one weekend a month... " and then i was cut off by him saying.. "WELL I DIDN'T PLAN ON SOMEONE DYING YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!" and then he hangs up.
Now someone dying is horrible. And it was a family friend but not a family member. I understand him wanting to go. I understand him wanting to drive his dad. I do NOT understand him not taking his kids again. I NEED A BREAK!!!

Where does he get off still swearing at me and calling me names!! Seriously!!!! I'm sooo sick of it. And I cant end the conversation there cause he hangs up on me. Oh and add to the above story that he put in the divorce papers that on his weekend he is not getting the kids until Friday.. when he could get them on Thursday.. so he is choosing to not take his visitation.. he is choosing to not take them on a day when he could.. I'M SO TIRED OF IT... SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!

Sunday

So today I became a godparent. Gigi's youngest son is my godson. It was such a honor to be chosen. It was during church and he is a very active little guy so it was very interesting and did not want to sit still at the front of the church while the paster was talking. lol.... then right after Gigi brought him to the nursery and as walking out of the room he says very loudly BYE! which made the whole congregation laugh out loud.

Lets see what else... I made banana bread last night from a recipe i got off of recipe zarr... its an amazing site and the bread was soooo good. I'd never made it with spices in it.. it was delicious!!
I watched a movie last night. The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. It was soooo good. It will probably be my new cry movie. You know when you are so over stressed that you just need a good cry but you need something to break the damn!?!? It used to be the Story of Us.. but I wont be watching that for a while. The Pursuit was so touching. Reminded me that people have it worse and gave me a deep drive to better my life for my children. It was so touching.. and yes.. I balled like a baby. I highly recommend it.

I know not a big post.. but trying to get back into the swing of blogging daily.. so there was my little weekend.

This is me.

Hello all. Yes that right... Its 4:06 am.. and i'm blogging. after having visited a couple blogs to read up and leave comments. I couldnt go to bed till 12:06 and here I am having been up for like over an hour already. sigh. That means that if i didnt get to comment on yours i will try to later today. I mean... There are alot of you.... but the two little people in the other room will be up. and if i EVER hope to keep up with them in what ever our ventures today may be.... I must try to sleep again. I havent had trouble sleeping in quite a while... but have the past four days including tonight. Hopefully its all just do to stress with the divorce yesterday. So Heres hoping that i can sleep again soon!!

So Yesterday was pretty uneventfull... went to the court house with my mama as moral support. *** thanks a bunch mom****** then i sat in the court room till my lawyer got there. talked to him for a minute. then we had to wait for Dick to get there So that we could sign the papers to actually get divorced.. which his lawyer was bringing with her. (Yea thats right his lawyer was a little size two blond bimbo) So they came.. my lawyer called me out... we went over the changes most of which were done.... so i signed it. went back in waited for him to sign.. got called up to the front of the court. He took the stand... I took the stand and it was done. Afterwords we walked out. My mama asking me if i needed to talk to him or.. anything..... now to explain this after her and my dads divorce they cried through all the procedings... kissed at the end.. walked out hand in hand... then went to coffee and lunch. Yeah I know right.. anyone who knows anyone who has gone through a divorce knows that this is NOT normal. But she didnt know that. I kept saying No... what needed to be said had been said. Then I realized that he had told the sitter that we were going to discous that morning about him paying her. Sigh.. i went to call her to find out if he had when he droped the kids off so i didnt have to do this. But before i could he walked out of the courthouse. so i figured (yes i was dilusional but chalked it up to my moms stories of how nicely hers went forgeting how mine is) I would just go out and talk to him about it since he told Gigi the night before that he was going to discous it with me at just such a moment. SO i got out of the car with mom... walked to the sidewalk he was going down... asked if he had paid her this morning or what we needed to set up about that... and the conversation went down from there. I will say I was so deflated from the whole situation i didnt call him names, raise my voice, or say anything mean. But.. he did.. while yelling... on the sidewalk.. infront of the courthouse.. for all to see. And on top of that he acted like he had never even HAD the conversation with Gigi in the first place. never mind this had occured not even twelve hours before. So i turned walked back to moms car who stood looking in me at aww, horror, amazement (none in a good way) at what had just gone down... got in closed the door... and then and only then did I let the tears come out. I didnt cry in the court room although I came close... I didnt cry when he was screaming at me or even in front of him... So hopefuly that is something that i still have my dignity.

Then i went to spend four hours in the hospital!! No No.. i did not get hurt... i had to get a blood test series that took that long! They think.. and i think... that I might be diabetic. But not the normal high blood sugar diabetic.. my blood drops low like 62 non fasting low. I sweat, get shakey, tingly, light headed, tired. And at work we have a glucose meter so it was easy to check what my numbers were... for those of you unawhare that is a very low number for a non-fasting person. I mean it couldbe lower yes... but you know.. since i was about to FAINT... when i get that way i have to drink some oj to up my blood sugar.

From there things went up... my mom brought me, Fred and Freida to my sis' house. And we played with the kids, knitted, and smoked. Okay so i dont smoke, but i did take a second hand smokers brake!... okay and i didnt get much knitting done at all.. but lets face it... I WAS FREAKING EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i think the day that i had warents that. And its my blog ... so i'm ALWAYS right on here.. muahhh hahhh aaahhhhhhh.

Anyway So i'm going to make a REALLY HONEST TO GOD HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHARD effort to blog almost daily... and to call and visit people. I'm sure the visiting will not happen all so often but at least i'm going to try to call more... i promise.... I'll try ;-)

Today I switch Boxes

Okay So i'm totaly just aware that it has been like a month since i've posted. Sorry. Sometimes when i'm soooo over stressed i cant get it out on here. maybee i'm afraid the damn witll break not sure. Oh and i have un moderated my comments so they will shhow up. Sorry Tracy and Lainey.. i needed the email addy that you sign into blogger with to put you on her blog. OOps.

Anyway. Today is D-Day. Divorce Day. Today I switch Boxes. I'm no longer single, no longer maried. No I now have moved to the Divorced Box. this is not where i expected y life to be now. Or ever for that mater. But it is 755 now. my court time is 9:00. So soon so very soon I will oficially be everything i never wanted to be, never thought i would be. I will survive I will move on. Hopefully better things on the other side. Who knows. Only god. this is what I want and need. Everything he does just solidifies my decision on that. There may have been a couple thoguht of changing my mind early on but not in a long long long time. Today it will be over.

I am Divorced.

Pieces of Guins heart

So... I have disabled my coments so that they are hidden. My Bitch Gigi over at pieces of guins heart.... has been... how to put it... infiltrated!!! Lucifer has discovered her blog.. okay discovered it along time ago... and has been using it against her. SO.. if you havent gotten your fix of her that is why! Also she is now online... so.. (you better read this gigi) she will be (had better) blog daily!! Just send a comment to this blog with your blogger sign in, email, and name... and i will pass it on to her... you will then be able to get into her blog again. I promise we will not use it in any way that you would not want. Just this one thing. Thats all.

Want to laugh??

so my mom just sent me a link that is so great. If you watch good morning America you may have seen it. but if you are like me and only see things on video, nick jr, or Disney... then here you go..



hahha.. omg.. that had me laughing SO hard!!

So i bring the kids to the dr this afternoon. In an hour actually. okay geesh.. less than an hour due to paperwork needing to be done. Its a new guy.. not new just new for us. My daughter has a chest situation that needs to be monitored not really sure of many details or name actually.. so I'll post more this afternoon. And as for my son.. well if you've read me for a while he doesn't sleep. Well he does but not much, and it is a headache... and I'm worried there might be a reason. I've also had a few people ask me in the past months (two to be exact) if I've ever had him checked for add. oye. time will tell... i would be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed through my head too. But just one of those things you don't want to think might be. BUT that could also attribute to the sleeping. and whatever i need ot do to make him sleep, so his sister gets the sleep she needs, and I'm not so worn out.. I'm on it. I don't want it to be so.. but if it is then at least i can help him.

So maybe i will post this afternoon.. but had to get you this you tube.. hahaha

today is the day

Well today is the day folks. My baby is Three... Happy birthday Frida. she is getting so big. I swear three weeks ago she woke up two inches taller... okay well maybee thats how much shes grown since last winter.. but its alot for such a little peanut! But i decided it was okay since when i put her little skirt on her this morning it was a perfect fit.... and it was a 12 month skirt... and she is three today!! lol... so she is and always will be my little peanut, my little bit, my lil bean. sigh. her ladybug birthday was on this past saturday. It went good. i had a little breakdown the night before when i had a cake-tastrophy. About how it all had to be perfect and it was so much less then ever before and yadda yadda yadda. Thanks for the ear and shoulder mom. But you know what. It was perfect. She loved the cake. she loved the presents. And she loved having a park to play at. Of course it was mostly for the other kids since she had to stay up and get all the grown up atention from the adults since it was allll about her. lol. It was funny this morning when i told her happy birthday little bit you are three today!! She says to me... "Mama I was three at my ladybug party... not today silly goose!" I tried to explain but then gave up.... but even though she doesnt understand and she thinks it was the other day. I think i will still possibly maybee take them to ice cream tonight. Maybee :-)

So ive decided... Maybee I will make it. Maybee my kids wont blame it all on me when they are older. Maybee i wont shrivel up in a corner and die. Maybee... but then again i'm writing this mid day and i'll probably feel diferently tonight! lol.