Lonely

You know today is one of those days. I'm lonely. Just plain lonely. The kids are here and i'm happy mommy. I get all my snuggles.. all my i love yous. My bitch Gigi has been over so i got my complain on, got to (try to) comfort. I cooked, watching a funny show (tori and dean inn love.. I LOVE IT). I'm baking cakes for another cake order.. for my mom if that counts...lol. .. which i love to do.

But you know... i miss someone to come home snuggle on the couch with. put my head on his lap... his arm resting on my back. Someone to climb into bed with rest m head in that perfect nook of his shoulder... kiss the top of my head. or to spoon with.. i love spooning. I miss having someone to comfort me. There is something about these situations that just cant come from friends or family or kids. Sometimes i just cry because i miss it... i need it.

Blah... I am FINALLY going to get my hair done with my mama tomarow. I'm very overdue. So hopefully that will make me feel a little better. Everyone says.. Pokey.. you are young.. you'll find someone.. i'm SURE of it. Well you know what.. the problem is I'M not sure of it. And what am i going to do between now and then.... How am I going to fill this need? First of all.. I OBVIOUSLY need to get a vibrator. I know gasp.. she just said the v word. hahahah.. but you know what You need what you need. I'm a big girl who never had need for one till now. I see one in my future. Whats so funny is thats not even the need i was talking about. it was the need from the previous paragraph.. but you know..the other might help. . lol

Weigh in

Well there it is todays weigh in. Now I hate first weigh ins.. i know i've been sick and barely ate for three weeks.. but seriously.... I DO NOT look like i lost 18 pounds... i dont believe it at all. You would know if you lost that much weight!!! I'm sure of my starting weight though.. did it three days in a row before i made the ticker and started my diet... its what motivated me too.... and i'm sure of todays cause i actually did it the last two days and it was around the same.. how in the hell is it possible... I'm confused

Alli= CRAPOLA

So I've been sick sick sick. I bought the new FDA approved Alli weight loss pill on Tuesday. I have hypothyroidism so i can never find anything to help me loose weight. Also this makes it near impossible to take weight off and i just have to look at something to gain! So... Alli did not say that.. it says my medication just may need to be adjusted.. SCORE!! So i read about it thought about it.. then bought it. I took one on tues night.. then one with lunch and one with dinner on wed ( I forgot my one with breakfast) Wed night i woke up at 12:45 with the most god awful cramps i was SURE that my appendix burst or something.. it was that bad!! Well I went to bed... being single mom doesn't allow random trips in the middle of the night to the er.. or i WOULD have gone. I woke up Thursday thinking i felt a little better and maybes i just ate something that didn't agree with me... So... silly (stupid) me.... I took one with breakfast on Thursday... then went to work.. far far far away. Okay well it was only like 35-35 min away but that's forever if you feel like crap. Well.... I was in the bathroom ALL day long... almost crying due to the cramps still... but there was ABSOLUTELY no one to work for me, so i suffered through. Came home and went to bed at 8 o'clock! (Thanks gigi for putting the kidos to bed for me ;-) ) So Friday still felt crappy.. enough to think about calling to see if someone could work for me. .... i went anyway silly me.. but that's the kids of stupid ass worker I am! Damn my sense of work ethic!! So i went muddled through till lunch. I came home and decided that maybe i was a little extra tired cause i didn't eat anything for breakfast that morning. So i forced myself to eat MAYBE a 1/4 of a can of vegetable soup. Then was so sure i was going to throw it up I went and laid in bed. I had twenty minutes to lay under my fan and calm my stomach down...... wellllll problem being i WOKE UP 37 minutes later!1 AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA i woke up 3 minutes after our first patient after lunch i ran down, drove like a crazy woman back to work.. and when i finally stopped long enough.. felt like i was still going to get sick. It was so bad (cramps were back) I actually called two people to come in for me. but I could not get anyone to come it. UGH... so i would be cheery as possible, get them in, tell Dr. Mcfooty that they were ready, then sit with my head down,,,, and repeat till end of day.

Yesterday was a swap between Gigi and my mom stopping in with things and to check on me.... same-o same-o... then today i woke up... I fell soooo much better!!! My stomach is sore.. but it think its just that sore from cramps cause its not sick sore.

So moral of the story is.. it wasn't the Flu cause i would not have just been so much better all at once... That pill definitely reacted badly with my body!! I know the possible side effects are gross if you've read about it... but what i had is not the bad side effects.. it was practically an allergic reaction.

Well If you are still reading this sorry for the gross post!! lol... I'm sure this will also tip the scale on monday... Since ive barely eaten anyting for three days. I hate when that happens.. makes me feel like its not right.. the scale reading i mean. well see.