The big discovery

So no.. my kids real names are NOT fred and freida. HOWEVER.. I do very often call them that. i have no idea why just one of those nicknames that have always been there. Their real names are Kole and Kassie. Since i said one yesterday figured i might as well make it wide known.

So this past weekend the kids were home with me. I really love having my weekends off with them. I feel like i dont see them enough, and its nice to have two full days with them. However.. then there are days. You all know them.. you all have them with your kids too. Well this past sunday the kids got into a basket of videos and brought one out that they wanted to watch. Kole kept saying I want to watch my movie!! He knew that it was his name written on it. It was the video of his 1st birthday party. How was I supposed to tel him no. "NO .. I got it recorded so that you would never see it!!" or "It's not yours!!" Um.. right.. yea neither of those would work. So I put it in and let them watch it. I tried to sit and read in the other room but after thousands of excited trips to tell me what was going on at the party... I finally just did what they asked and went in and sat with them. Talk about hard. Me pregnant with kassie with baby kole opening his presents. Me laughing, talking, hugging dick. Oye. You know all the memories aren't bad but those ones seem to hurt more than the really bad ones. And now we are on day three of crazy huge amounts of me being lonely again. I miss being held and wanted I miss having someone to talk to, someone to be with. Someone who will understand when i just need to lay my head on your lap or shoulder. some day. Some day the one who was meant to be will be here. i just have to get to the some day.