Okay so this came to me via email but it was soooo great and soooo wrong on so many levels that I just HAD to share it with all of you...
So kole was just out on the porch and brought in a flower (that had fallen out of the hanging pot) while saying "I'm bringing you a flower mommy" So he brings me the flower and as hes walking away says "I brought you a flower so I'ms going to marry my mommy" What I ask??? He says again that He's going to marry me... when I ask what he means he says " Well I love you mama and I bring you flowers and I kiss you ... so that means I'm going to marry you.. thats what it means." OMG could it be any cuter than that seriously!! So as I was talking to my guy (who i'm not really sure I've told you all exists) online he asked if I was going to set him strait or let him go with it i said "We'll I'm pretty sure that at 5 he means I love you mama.... So yea I'm gonna let him go with it cause its impossibly cute!"
Oh and my kids usually go to bed at 8 pm. So last night with Koles friend over Kas finally conked out at 9pm. and about 9:30 the little friend started balling saying that he missed his mom and wanted to go home. so I called his mom and she came to get him. In the meantime this made Kole very upset so he started balling which in turn woke up Kassie... so both were up till almost 10 pm in the end.. guh.. but hey they took a really great nap!
So today is a first.. I had a delusional moment and asked my sons best friend from school if he could stay the night tonight. He was supposed to arrive at 4 and his mom called at 315 and said they were out and with gas was is okay if they brought him early while they were out.. so he has been here since 3:15... Kole is a very encouragable little 5 year old... especially with his best friend from school.. now add this to my 4 year old combined with the fact that his mom lets him say things that I would NEVER let my kids say.. and oye vay. Kole keeps doing things that he knows are not acceptable just to show off... like throwing a bucket full of cars off of our 2nd story balcony one by one so that i would not know. Or while i was going to the bathroom him sneaking them all outside to pick them up after i distinctly told him NOT to through the door. The friend has said: shut up, damn it, woosy boy, scum bag.. among others.. and that is only in four hours.. I still have to get through all of these kids.. okay only three.. getting to sleep. So pray for me all. pray for me.
Is it to much to want to be loved?
Wholey, and completely. With ought restrictions. To have someone NEED me. To have some one love me for ME.. now who I was, who they want me to be, or who i could be... but just me. ME.
So I made a decision a few weeks ago and didn't tell anyone. I decided to start looking into college. I never knew that I would have so much interest in the medical field. If i had I definitely would go back and get my CNA in high school like some of the girls did. I will say that for the past, i don't know, a little over a year I've had people constantly tell me that I should look into college for surgical nursing. We do some surgeries in office and some we send to the hospital or surgical center. In office we do things like ingrown toenails, wart removal, cyst removal, screw removal and revision of scars. I L-O-V-E it. Its insane the rush from being there watching it that I get. I've been told by people its not to late, i definitely missed my calling, I would be great at it. Everyone from co-workers to friends to doctors to patients. I've thought about it but frankly for the past year i feel like I am hanging on for dear life just to get through every single day.. how would I be able to add school?? Classes, homework, kids, working full time, house work AHAHAHH!! Yea right. Well.. I'm finally to a point where I fell .. well.. less like I'm going to slip off the cliff at any moment! So I decided to go to school about three weeks ago. Was looking for courses for surgical nursing. I couldnt find any locally enough for me right now.. but I did see from course lists that all had basically the same pre-requisites. So I decided to just start there. I had a day off, brought the kids to day care and went to our local community college. Got registered, took my placement tests, started financial aid paperwork, and went home to choose which class to take first. Unfortunately it ends up that the summer session has started. The early session started the day before I went there to sign up, the mid-summer online courses were all full, and there were no online courses in the late summer session!! AHH!! Are you kidding!?! So now I'm all signed up, but have to wait till August when the fall sessions start. Sigh. But then maybe the financial aid stuff will be done so it will work out for the best. It will take me forever with doing one class at a time.. but it will be worth it in the end!
So heres the big news... I"M A GIRL!!.. I know.. shocking right? But what I mean is that in some ways I am very very much a girly girl. So in that manor I will say there are some things I do NOT know how to do.... Change a flat tire, change the oil, wire my TIVO so I don't have to unplug it to watch my vcr, stop my washing machine from dripping... and know how how to comprehend electricity. Lets face it.. my electrical knowledge goes as far as this: turn the switch= light turns on... if this doesn't work check if the light is plugged in... if not call for help! So one of my things I am horrible at doing in a timely mater is to change light bulbs. Well one by one the lights in my crappy little bathroom went out. There is only one fixture in the room which is above the sink. Inside it holds four light bulbs. So I'm thinking awesome.. lights are going out means I wont see how cruddy my bathroom is right?? SCORE! However when the last one went out I was forced to change them. Now I knew to turn the switch to off, then I unscrewed the light bulbs. Looking at the end I see that the old bulbs were 60w bulbs. So I go to my utility boxes.. yes boxes because I have yet to hang the shelves that I have had for the utility room since I've only been here over a year now... Anyway.. i go to the boxes and see that I'm out of bulbs except for two packages.. awesome i have 4 bulbs just the amount I need!! So I look at the box. damn they are 90w bulbs... oh well that just means that it will be brighter. So I go in and put them in and put the cover back on. Damn i can see the bathroom good now.. shit the room is still shitty!! Oh well.. and on my merry way I go. Three days later I go in to use my deodorant (and before you ask I WAS using deodorant just the one in the hall closet that ran out).. I go to the bathroom and get out my stick of deodorant and lift my sleeve and go to rub it on applying normal deodorant worthy pressure. and... SQUISH!! I have about 1/4 stick of deodorant sloshed on my underarm. Ewww says it very well yes. So I get some toilet paper and wipe it off... and so as not to repeat the performance, use the toilet paper to apply some of the slop to my other underarm. You see it turns out that if you put 4 90w light bulbs above your medicine cabinet then leave the lights on.. it gets a tad bit warm. Go figure huh! Enough so to melt deodorant, cook moisturizer, mold plastic bags to cotton balls, and evaporate contact solution. So word to the wise for all you girls girls out there.... Use the correct wattage light bulbs even if you have to go one morning in the dark! Either that or keep a guy around to change them for you!!
I would like to give a big shout out to all of my blogger mommy friends!!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
I hope everyones day is extremely wonderful!
So we are sitting here eating the breakfast of champions... yes thats right PB&J... and the kids decide to get up and play cause they are done. Which all you moms know means don't throw it away cause they will be back in five minutes.... and today i just don't want to fight so I'm not pushing them to stay sitting till they are done! So Kassie gets up and is walking around and there is something black on the floor. looks kind of like a fuzzy. So I ask her what it is. She bends down squeezes it, touches it... and then picks it up and goes to put it back down. So i ask her to throw it away. On the way there she says "Its okay mommy.. Apollo's tail just got broke." our cat Apollo is striped black/gray.. lol... so she just assumed that his tail got broked and that was what the fuzzy was! lol.
So Koles birthday party was yesterday (his actual birthday was Wednesday). It was at the McDonald's in the next town which has a play land with tunnels. It was a fantastic stress fee venture I would recommend to any and all single moms who work full time. No stress before, no clean up after. And I think the actual party would have been no stress if we had a better host. However Jose could not handle 18 children.. could not talk over them.. could not give them direction.. and had no plan as to what to do when. So I ended up doing the whole middle of the party. But it was fun... His favorite gift was probably his camera from his Bah... who always has a camera in HER hand and is an amazing photographer. It is so cute to look at his pictures.. some are really great.. you can tell when his sister gets the camera cause they are all blurry. lol. Although I didn't think of all the pictures of me that there would be. like right now.. just woke up.. hair everywhere... mismatched pj's.. no bra. Yea you all get the picture... shudder.... Don't worry i am NOT posting those here!! lol
A family member emailed me this and i just loved the truth to it!!
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap.
Lol.. good news i finally have everything straightened out with AT&T so I will be on here more!! YEA!..
The bad news... I had Koles 5th birthday party today and am to damn tired to blog!! so heres the poem for you and I'll write again soon.. I Promise!!
tooooo funny!! I never would have guessed! I'm not sure about the year.. but the description is right on!
You Belong in 1984 |
 Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. |
So I just love the age of my kids right now... Kole is almost 5 and Kassie is 3 1/2. The funniest, oddest, most embarrassing things come out of their mouths. Every morning I give the kids breakfast, set their clothes on the couch, instruct them to finish breakfast and then get dressed... and off I go to get ready myself. Most days this runs right on schedule. But the little things that happen in between are so funny. Today I did the normal and then jumped in the shower. I should say that I think this has never happened because I usually shower at night... but decided to shower this morning. So I was in my bedroom getting dressed and Kole came in and asked if he could get dressed in the bathroom (with the door shut). I said sure since I had a few minutes before I needed to get in there. Then Kassie goes running past my door saying "I haves to go potty, I haves to go potty!!" so he looks at me and says "Mommy can I get dressed in your room then?" And of course with ought thinking I reply "Yea, Sure." And proceed to finish getting dressed. Kole climbs up on the bed to get dressed and I begin putting on my bra... then this conversation took place...
Kole: (looks down at his chest, looks at mine, then back to his) "Mommy when are my boobies going to get bigger like yours?
Me: Um hunny, you are a boy so yours don't get bigger.
Kole: But how are daddies?
Me: Daddies are like yours. They stay like that. Only girls boobies get bigger.
Kole: (looking at my chest again) But I want bigger boobies!
Me: Well I'm sorry hun.. you are a boy.. but you will be JUST LIKE DADDY!!
Kole: (looking pensive) Then are sissys going to get bigger, cause shes a girl?
Me: Um yes.. eventually. But not till shes older.
Kole: THATS SO COOL!! (starts screaming for kassie)
Me: Kole, What are you doing? Let your sister eat!
Kole: I haves to tell her mom!!
**Now enter Kassie**
Kassie: What Kole?
Kole: Kassie guess what? Its sooo COOL! Your boobies are going to get bigger like mommies!!
Kassie: WOW!! THAT AWESOME!!
Then both went running off to watch TV.. completely unaware of me standing stunned in the corner!!
So I was over visiting Lainey's blog and it was about how she used the "because I said so" line on her son. My line I have SWORN I would never say is "Do you want me to give you something to cry about!" My dad used that line all the time growing up. And you know... it just ERKS me! yes erks.. lol... I mean we were already crying! It doesn't mater if you don't think that it is a good reason to cry, but we are.
Anyway It got me thinking about my current situation with my daughter. Kole is almost 5 and she is 3 1/2. Lately my son has been bursting into tears to get what he wants something. And it was driving me CRAZY!! So one day when I was talking to my BFF Guin (also the babysitter) if he was doing that at her house. She looked perplexed and said no. Odd I thought... Then one day about a week later she said he did it today.. started the "baby routine" such as i call it .... And she asked him why he would do that? And do you know his answer?? "Because sissy does it and mommy talks to her" Ouch.. yea. That opened up my eyes to what I'm letting my baby get away with that I never would have let him. So I'm really cracking down on this with her.. so lets just say Tylenol has been my best friend the past week cause when she realizes the crying is not working it just gets louder. Oye vay.
You know I remember a time though when I realized I was doing the same thing with Kole.. And now did it with Kassie.. but for different reasons... with Kole I had a very hard time disciplining him at points because he was my miracle baby. I had lost a baby before him, went through a fertility center, would have lost him if I hadn't known as early and gone on progesterone.... He was the baby I never thought would be here. So how do you discipline something so precious... Well I got it together. I think with Kassie it is the fact of the past year... its been hell on wheels, ups and downs... more emotional downs than ups, and frankly a struggle daily. But I finally feel like I may be getting to an even point.... so here we go again.. redoing what I have done wrong and teaching her the rights and wrongs. Let me warn you.. its much easier I'm sure to do it right in the first place.. but i doubt anyone has ever gotten child rearing right the first time... right!
So I'm a Scorpio... and my horoscopes are usually dead on. In the freaky is someone stalking me sort of way. Now don't worry.. I'm not one of those must read what the stars say before i can leave my house in the morning... but occasionally I do pick it up to look. And when i do if its an old one, it usually is spot on... and if its for current of future.. well that can either scare the shit out of me or give me something to look forward to. So in a boredom buster today i logged onto mylifetime.com. The site for Lifetime TV... yes thats right I'm a sucker for their movies. So the site has lots of cool, funny things to read, look at or do. One of which was an astrology section. And being that I had not looked in a while I decided to click.
Now the financial section... hah.. that was totally a page out of my checkbook.. and trust me right now that is NOT a good thing.. so I'm not going to talk about that. then there was a love/romance section. Just for poops and giggles I'm not going to tell you what that said either... Why you ask?? Because I'm thinking along the same line it says and i don't want to jinx anything. So yes.. it was very good. Then there was a 2008 at a glance section. This is the one that got me. The couple sections on times already past this year were right on. Then there was allot about whats to come, times to look forward to, and times to look out for. Then there was the last section. One or two sentences........ and wow.. here they are:
So I decided after the post last night that I had to think fast.. reallly fast. I figure a 3 and 4 year old are much like a puppy... If you don't punish right away they don't know what they are getting in trouble for. So last night we did most of their night time routine.. climbed into bed.. and talked about it. They knew what they did was wrong. So they lost their night time song. and then today when we got home they had to call and apologize to Bah (their grandma) for being bad while she was here. She was absolutely horrified that i did that. But I figure that if I can say if mommy was here would have acted that way? and the answer is No. and then I ask then why did you? and the response is i don't know or because... they knew that what they did was wrong. And if they knew what they did was wrong then they needed to understand that that is unacceptable! How else will they ever learn that its not okay to be that way.. right? I said that I know when I was a child I NEVER would have been able to get away with that... I would have had a punishment too. So the question i say is this... When did society get to the point that its acceptable for kids to act that way? It wasn't when I was a kid... and further more.. At what point do you think your grandkids shouldn't be punished?? lol.. must just be when you become a grandma! But I stand by my decision. They needed to take the consequence for their action.
Thats what PMAC stands for. aka.. you know... the letters behind my name!! So lets see.. whats new.. me and my man are doing very very well. There is allot of potential there i think. He has a great job, a house, and is really great. Unfortunately due to my schedule, his schedule, and the kids it is hard to get together but its nice too. It forces us to take it slow. Which you know.. you don't always want to do :) I was so down at work today and i have NO idea why!! nothings wrong!! and my co workers kept asking me what was wrong. I think I'm just tired.. who would know that four days in a luxury hotel in Chicago would be so tiring!! Well.. when i put it that way anyway... really i was VERY busy. I really love learning new things. I would have loved college.. and yes to all of you writing right now.. I do understand that its not to late.. but my life doesn't really allow time for it now and I don't want to sacrifice the little time I do have with the kids.. and hey I don't need it for my job after all.. I'm certified baby!! But I learned allot, had a great time, ate some great food, got my PMAC certificate.. so yea i guess that tired is allowed at this point!
On the down side my mom had a HORRIBLE time with the kids.. how bad you ask.. they were taken by pod people she says.. and she will never watch them again. I know.. OMG. And I know they were not feeling well.. but it is no excuse.. I'm trying to come up with a punishment.. cause they KNOW they were not acting in a way that was acceptable at all. When I asked "would you do that if mommy was here" and the answer is "No".. I know they knew they did wrong.. so I'm trying to think of something. They got a talking to when I got home but if they were bad enough for a grandma to say "I will NEVER watch them again.. and I'm serious Jess." that is so over the top that something must be done. Ideas welcome!
well.. I PASSED>. I am officially... Jessica A (my last name), PMAC. DUDE>. how COOL is that.. i have letters after my freakin name!! The test was a serious bitch. it was three hours and 400 questions.... but i got a 96%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I aced a section, the others I got all 90's on and the other i got an 86% so i did damn good. so i'm freaking exhausted now so thats all i can do for today.. i'll tell you more about my weekend soon... night all! and hope you had a good one too!
So i wont be on for a few days most likely. I am going to the big city of Chicago for a Podiatrist convention... I know sounds like a blast doesnt it!! Well I actually AM excited cause it IS fun! but I'm also nervous as hell that my test is Friday. I'm gonna die if i dont pass it!!! SO I'm just cleaning, and studying and spending time with the kidos today since i wont see them till Sunday. I guess i could bring my laptop with but i doubt i would have time to sit at it.. so i'll talk to you all soon.. dont miss me too much.
So I took today off to go to my doctor and kole's doctor.. found out this morning that his appointment was yesterday.. nice. But on the good side I went to mine, got a prescription for my headache medicine, and a referral to get my back injections!
Dick was supposed to get the kids at 2 today... then he called saying he would be here at 6... he just called saying that he is still at work.. and its 6:02. also in the phone call ... he told me.. "I know this is going to make you the happiest woman in the world.. but I got required fro Sunday" So instead of me getting them at 1.. having a free weekend, relaxing.. I am missing my plans right now because of his work, getting them back tomorrow night or Sunday morning because of his work. I'm so sick of everything being about him and whats convenient for HIM. His kids are the ones that loose... and damn it I'm sick of having to reschedule MY plans because of what works best for him!!
But on the upside I will have them for all day easter... we will have an egg hung, easter baskets and fun. Whats funny is Kassi keeps calling the easter bunny... "Easter" like how Santa Clause is Santa... he is just Easter. Its really cute.. so I hope all of you have a really great Easter!
So i'm sorry its been so long... this past while has just really sucked.. I've been training the new girl, re-writing the OSHA standards for our whole office, and studying for a giant certification course that is costing my employer hundreds of dollars.. no pressure right!! So the OSHA class was today, i'm down to two weeks left of training her and my test is next Friday. And... I want to explode!!
Add all that to the worst month of Endometriosis I've had in a LONG time, No one that will take my state aid insurance card to give me an injection in my back.. so I'm in allot of physical pain. NOW.. add that to that and THEN add... that March 10th would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary... and that last St. Patrick's day was the very beginning of the very end. That was the night that all the sudden everyone around us realized there was a serious problem.
So its been really rough. Worst part is that i don't WANT to be married to him.. at all.. but my mom hit it on the head that its more a sadness about lost dreams then the guy.
Last night while putting my contacts (which i just got again after a year of glasses) away i ran out of solution grabbed the next bottle that was the WRONG solution (it has to be in a special case) and put it in the rest of the way to fill it up.... well ends up it has to be in the special case for a reason cause i burned (literally) the crap out of my eye.. fells quite swollen right now! and is bright red.
On a good note... and yes i'm going to try to end this on a good note.. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my life.. like the glove is starting to fit. Before I felt like I was wearing a glove that NEVER could have been mine and wasn't supposed to be. I brought the kids to the zoo tomorrow and that was so amazing.. i will FOREVER go to the zoo when it is cold/cool outside. there were so few people there that the kids got to get soooo close to so many of the animals!
So I'm so down today. I don't know why.. no idea. I just feel like I need to go blow off some serious steam. The kind that when you are so cooped up you have sex with your husband just so that it will fell better... not necessarily because you want to have sex with him.. just because you need the outlet. Problem is.. news flash.. I have no husband, in fact I have no boyfriend! And since were in the TMI department.. its been a VERY long time since I DID go wahoo!!
Guh... It must just be everything.. I work, I come home, I take care of kids, I clean my house, I clean my work, I go grocery shopping, bring kids to school, doctor, I have no outlet, no release.. just stress, stress, stress, Stress, STress, STRess, STREss, STRESs, STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs!!ds
So I had SUCH a full weekend. usually seems like my kidless weekend is short and that i don't do much. BUT.. oh this was so different... in a good way!! Friday my mama ad I went to see "27 dresses" ad it was cute..kinda predictable, and I only cried 3 times so that was good i figure. Sat I went to Orland with my mom and my sis met us there. We shopped ad had dinner.. it was so fun being with them.. it doesn't happen enough. While there I used my "me" money from my taxes to buy a diamond ring. It is sooo beautiful!! And come on.. who needs a man to buy you bling?? NOT ME BABY!!! I'm a woman.. HEAR ME BLING!! oops i mean roar! lol...
So then Sat night I went to have one drink with my friend and then came home depressed that i had no one to dance with, be all over, and kiss on. Couldn't sleep so I got online and was looking at things. Ended up responding to this personal add on a site and got emailed right back by the guy... ended up till almost 2 am talking with him online.
Sunday I went to a different mall and got myself a cell phone. I had been using one on my dads account since my separation and was time to stand on my own two feet. Plus I got my tax return and could afford to get one!! lol... Then i went home and cleaned all day. All the while testing Mr. Man. HAHAH.. i just came up for a name for him!! He is working at a restaurant right now because it makes good money and the shifts are flexible since he is... are you ready for this... going to grad school and then to law school...
However.... He goes by a different version of it... but he has the same first name as dick.. oye.. that came to me when i was in the shower yesterday.. of all the flippin names... but at least he doesn't go by the same derivative of it i guess!
So no.. my kids real names are NOT fred and freida. HOWEVER.. I do very often call them that. i have no idea why just one of those nicknames that have always been there. Their real names are Kole and Kassie. Since i said one yesterday figured i might as well make it wide known.
So this past weekend the kids were home with me. I really love having my weekends off with them. I feel like i dont see them enough, and its nice to have two full days with them. However.. then there are days. You all know them.. you all have them with your kids too. Well this past sunday the kids got into a basket of videos and brought one out that they wanted to watch. Kole kept saying I want to watch my movie!! He knew that it was his name written on it. It was the video of his 1st birthday party. How was I supposed to tel him no. "NO .. I got it recorded so that you would never see it!!" or "It's not yours!!" Um.. right.. yea neither of those would work. So I put it in and let them watch it. I tried to sit and read in the other room but after thousands of excited trips to tell me what was going on at the party... I finally just did what they asked and went in and sat with them. Talk about hard. Me pregnant with kassie with baby kole opening his presents. Me laughing, talking, hugging dick. Oye. You know all the memories aren't bad but those ones seem to hurt more than the really bad ones. And now we are on day three of crazy huge amounts of me being lonely again. I miss being held and wanted I miss having someone to talk to, someone to be with. Someone who will understand when i just need to lay my head on your lap or shoulder. some day. Some day the one who was meant to be will be here. i just have to get to the some day.
So I just love the things my kids say. Freida says today on the way on home... Mommy why is it so so froggy outside? I said.. Did you say froggy? and she says back.. Yes its so very froggy out all days today!... what she meant was that it was Foggy out... lol
Freidas favorite vegetables are hands down is Recipes. She also knows that if you find a recipe under your seat cushion that means you are a princess. She likes cooked recipe's she likes raw recipe's. In other words... Peas.
And then there is my fred. this one can not be said so well without revealing his real name. It is Kole. So he comes home on Christmas eve and I'm putting them to bed. I am all excited to do the Christmas eve hype with him and I say so why do we have to go to bed good tonight? and he says very proudly "Because otherwise we will get a big rock named ME!! aka.. he would get a lump of coal!
Oh out of the mouths of babes.. What is the cute things your kidos have said?
How on earth did this many days go between my last post! ugh. Well I weighed myself today.. yes I know it hasnt been a week but hey... i couldnt wait. I started on Tuesday. I have lost 4 lbs! I'm exstatic. And I've finall gotten over the hump of the "chew on the chairs" feeling. I actually looked forward to my salad yesterday!! My kids have been such hams today.. we were just laying in my bed and they were taking turns playing hide and go seek. Of course.. that is if you can call it that since they were laying next to me with the blankets over their head! So I said.. I know, I know... Come here!! and they got on either side of me and I pulled the blanket over all our heads. Freida says... What are we doing? I replied... shhhh they will find us if you arent quite. So about a minute later my son goes.. "Momma.. who is gonna find us though? It's just us here" Oye when did he get so smart!!
So.. I've started my diet... again. Last time i did so good loosing 20 lbs like it was nothing. But then my sugar kept dropping and if that has ever happened to you.. frankly it sucks. So I had to eat more often and the diet foods just were not keeping my sugar constant enough. So yes.. I used it as an excuse to stop. Then I realized that for the last few weeks I've been putting scrubs on at work. When I don't work I put on jeans when I have to go out somewhere... and as soon as I get home I take off the jeans and put on pj bottoms. I mean come on.. when you have to take your pants off due to lack of oxygen its time to do something about it right?!?!?!
So once again.. a small breakfast, a good lunch, with a salad and 2 servings of fruit, and a good dinner with 2 servings of vegetables. And for desert I'll have another serving of fruit and a glass of milk. I've also drank ALLOT of water!! guh. dieting sucks. But i will admit that its a good feeling to be full and not sooooo stuffed I cant move!
So heres to me... again..
The Mission(okay so I accept willingly!)
-Share five random/weird things about myself.
-Share five places that I want to see or see again.
-Tag five random people and link to them and let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Five Random/Weird things about myself:
1) I can wiggle my nose like a rabbit.
2) I can make my pectoral muscles (aka my boobs) dance like a guy can.
3) My 3rd and 4th toes on my right foot are partially webbed together.
4)I LOVE to clip coupons.. although I rarely use them.
5) I would be a serogate mother or a foster mom in the blink of an eye
Five places I want to see/see again:
1) Getysburg.. you really cant believe the power of that place unless you go there.
2) Venice, Italy .. I have ALWAYS wanted to go there.. even if it is dirty.
3) Boulder Colorado.. Much like tracy I want to go here due to my smut novels!
4) Mexico... Always have wanted to.
5) Disney in the next two years with my kids.
Five People I'm Taging:
1) Gypsy Queen at Chasing the highs
2) Lainey-Paney at Life is Just so Daily
3) Pea Pod at Two Peas in a Pod
4) D at Studio D News
5) Sheri at My Minivan is faster that yours
(that was alot harder since I couldnt to people that Tracy had done!)
Okay people.. tag your it!!
So I'm a total lifetime movie addict. I LOVE them!! They are sappy, and raunchy. And I cant stop watching them! Every Sat night there is a new one on tv. I set my Tivo to record every week. Yesterdays was called "7 things to do before I'm 30." It was about a list a girl made when she was 12ish and found at 29 and decided in month before her birthday she was going to complete the list she had forgotten about. So I decided why not! I'm 25 so I have 5 years which I think is much more practical. So If you decide to do this list for yourself just chose your next significant bday and go to listing! So here goes...
7 Things to do Before I'm 30:
1) Get a Tattoo
2) Get my own Cell phone
3) Live in a house again (not an apartment)
4) Pay off my marriage bills
5) Bring the kids to Disney
6) Not overdraw my checking account for over 12 months.. twice
7) Have over $1,000 in a savings account
so there they are. My practical, unpractical, dreams, and goals for the next 5 years.
So here goes.. this came from Tracy who got if from Bee. so if you are reading this... TAG YOUR IT!! Oh and if anyone figures out what a Meme is.. you will get double points!!
Heres how it works:
1. Click on this link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random . The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. Click on this link. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 . The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. Click on this link. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ . The third picture is your album cover.
4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together and you’re done.
SOOOOOO.. Heres me:
My Band name is:
So I made dinner again from my Kraft magazine that comes in the mail. It was amazing as were the last three things that I made from it. I usually either turn on GAC on the TV or turn music on my computer with dinner. The kids like the music and it hides eating noises.. lol.. yes eating noises are my biggest pet peeve. Anyway I'm listening to Billy Ray Cyrus' song "Ready, Set, Don't Go" Its amazing and if you like him or not doesn't matter. If you are a parent you should listen to it. I like the version with just him better than the one with him and his daughter Millie.. aka Hanna Montana. I first heard this song when it was on a music video. I had missed it before and it made me cry. He wrote it about his daughter. About how they will leave and follow their dreams and even though you don't want to you support them. It was just on while we were eating and I found myself stopping eating to look at my babies. They are so not babies anymore. Fred is 4 1/2 and Freida is 3. So grown up. Fred will be in Kindergarten in the "big school" next year and Freida will be in Preschool. I'm having a hard time with the transition of not having babies. So anyway... I was looking at them remembering. When they were born was the two most amazing days of my life bar none. Their first words, first steps, first true Love you mama. That one where you see it in their eyes and its not just a reaction to something they are supposed to say. It all just flew through my head like a movie. I looked at Freida again and she glanced up at me. All disheveled from play today, hair in her face from bending over to eat. A smear of Sun Dried Tomato dressing on her cheek. She gave me this little smile while turning her head to the side. And I saw it. That look. The moment. The one that I will undoubtedly repeat so many times. When she drives away in her car for the first time. When she is leaving for the Prom. When she is getting on a plane to go to college. Okay hopefully there will be no plane as I will undoubtedly die if either of them go that far away. I saw those moments that my mom told me about not long ago. The day I was having a break down about not having babies anymore. When she said OH.. have you seen this? or this? or this? Well mom, I just saw what those moments will be like in the eyes of my daughter. Heaven help me. I don't know how all of you moms of older children did it. I don't want them to grow up. I treasure every day as I know all to soon they will be gone.
So i received this by email.. but I'm going to reply on here... So hope you look here Jo
So anyone who has been reading my blogs very long knows that Fred has sleeping issues. I have also said before that I think he has ADHD. I started looking online about his not sleeping well. Found out there are a few causes.. read allot... and thought you know I think he has ADD or ADHD. I mentioned this to Gigi as well and she said she had been thinking that but wasn't sure how to say it without offending me. So the more I read and observed fred.. i realized he definitely had one of them. So I asked doctor.. then another.. then another. I was told.. he must not need that much sleep, he was to young to have add etc, he was a normal toddler, i needed to let him sleep with me, I needed to dicapline him more. Every time I left crying and hopeless. i KNEW as his mom that he had a problem. At his sisters appointment last week I again voiced my concerns. She recomended that I bring him to a child psychologist to be evaluated. So today was the appointment. It was the first time I have not left a office in tears. She said that he definatly had signs of adhd. He was active, and yes all toddlers are active, but his was above and beyond the amount of normal curiosity or activity. Laws now state that a child under the age of five can not be put on medication for ADD or ADHD. which is fine by me. I do not WANT to put Fred onto medication. Then we addressed his sleep issues. Ever since Fred was little he has had problems going to sleep. I said it once in a way that makes the most sense.... at night he just wont "shut off" .. If i am laying there with him putting his arm back down, quieting him, calming him he will go to sleep but on his own it takes a good two hours. And yes Ive tried everything in the book. Routines, longer routines, tiring him out, etc. So she agreed that he was not getting enough sleep and that yes, it appeared that it was interfering with his life now. So there is a non-habit forming medication that they give to children with behavioral problems (aka adhd) who also have sleeping problems. It is commonly used in adults for high blood pressure but used correctly it is effective at sleep problems in children. It only stays in the body for 6 hours so there is absolutely no risk of dependency. At this point it is about improving Fred's quality of life. I believe that if I can just help him sleep this will also help in his daily activities. I do not want to put him on medication.. but if he was diabetic would I think about giving him insulin? no. This problem is interfering from him living a full life.. and now I'm going to help him.
However.. naturally.. when i told Dick about this he flipped. Everything from i constantly have the kids on medication, to I should discipline him more, I shouldn't put him to bed when i do, I should spend more time with him, I should put him with another sitter, I just wanted to chalk him full of drugs, i didn't want to deal with him, I should spank more time out less, I just wanted him (Dick) to have to pay more money. You think he may have said it and trust me.. he yelled it at me. rudely, and with many obscenities. I hung up on him three times because I would not allow him to talk to me this way. I was balling uncontrollably because this was not about me.. this was about Fred and how his life was. It is no way to live being tired, cranky, and unable to concentrate when he has no say so or ability to not be that way. So I made Dick an appointment with the Doctor to talk with her about what she feels about Fred, what the medication is about, and how to proceed from here. I will get in touch with her after that to see how it went and to discus where to go from here.
I understand his reservations.. I do.. I dont want our four year old to be on medication either. BUT if he needs it to live a good life then so be it. Now legally I do NOT have have his permission to give Fred a medication to help him. Would it make it easier.. absolutely. But I am the one who is with Fred all the time, I am the one who takes care of him. And its not just me. Other people have asked me if i have considered getting him tested for this as well. I am not crazy I just finally found someone who sees the problem from a medical standpoint. I just hope that Dick will come to his senses and realize this is what is best for Fred. It will make everyones life better.
So I haven't had a phone for about a week now.. but somehow i still have dsl. So hopefully no one who is reading this works for at and t right now. lol.... Well its been a really rough week sorry i haven't been able to get on the computer. Tuesday I brought Freida to the doctor and she had Strep throat, An ear infection, and bronchitis. all at once. Fred went to the Doctor on Friday and he has strep as well. Now the minute I saw either one of them sniffle wrong I started on Airborne. Which I swear by for life now. Thursday i went to work and my voice started sounding frogy before lunch. By the end of the day I sounded like a squeaker toy. Friday i woke up with no voice. okay well i had a voice but i had to yell to come out as a whisper. And there was no one to work for me.. but that was okay since I couldnt afford to take a day off work anyway. So I came home got some sleep, rested and had a little voice on Saturday. I had my company Christmas party on Saturday and that was a ton of fun. I didn't want to go at first so I'm very glad that I was the designated present-getter for the doctors.. because it made me go. I knew I'd be okay once I got there it was just the getting there feeling sad, sorry for myself, alone, and ugly part. you know.. just something little.. lol. But it was a blast, we had appetizers, dinner, white elephant game. And we got a present from our Doctors... it was a fondue set and cookbook from Williams-Sonoma. it is TO DIE FOR.. i love it. The funny thing is two girls last week said to me whats Williams-Sonoma?? since that was where I got one of the Dr's a gift certificate to from all of us. I was like what is Williams-Sonoma? its like a candy store for your eyes!!!f So I was elated naturally. Lets see.. today my voice is still better but not to full par. But I'm sure that the reason I got so little was due to the airborne... everyone should keep it on hand!!
So This is not a blog.. I blogged late last night and will again later.. but just so you know if i mysteriously disappear it is due to my phone company turning it off. My phones got turned off last night and yet this am I still have my dsl. If thy turn it off I wont be back for a couple weeks :-(
So Freida is getting sick.. or so I thought.. her little nose was running, her cough was going deep in her chest causing her to lurch forward and grab her chest with each rasp. I was planing on getting her into the dr tomarow on my day off, so brought her to the sitter. On my lunch I had to go to the store to buy some Delsym.. which is the worlds most kick ass cough syrup evah! Yes its expensive, yes the taste is gritty... but you wont cough for 12 freaking hours i kid you not! anyway so i brought it to the sitters and went back to work. I get a call at work at 3 pm and the girl tells me that my sitter is on the phone. UH OH... Gigi never calls unless something is REALLY bad. she says that since noon (its 3 pm) Freida has thrown up five times. She wont hold down a teaspoon of liquid, medacine, 1/4 piece of bread.. nothing. She is also burning up. She has no thermomoter but she knows it is high. High enough for her to have put her in the bath not once but TWICE... which has not worked. I'm freaking out... I cant leave there is no one to cover for me, she is so sick, I dont know what is wrong. I attend to my patients then the next break I got I called my momma. I said I think I need to take Freida to the ER after work, not sure she can wait till the morning, and would she come watch Fred for an hour or so while i did that. She says of course but what is going on with Freida. So I tell her it all, in the midst of which I hear my own voice cracking... And I'm usually level headed in the face of soemthing like this. She reasures me that unless it is A, B, or C that the ER wont really be able to do much, and unless she is dehydrated she will probably be more comfy.. as will I at home. Okay well she said it a little different but that is the gist of what my overworked, overtired, overworied brain could take in. So I go about my patients till my next break when I call Gigi for a check in, and relay what my momma said. She agreed much to our chagrin due to her condition. So I asked my mom if there was any way she could get a night light on the way home as I had forgotten to get one on my lunch hour and (this could be a whole nother blog) that is why I didnt get anysleep last night... cause theirs broke. Of course she says again.
So I get done, quick clean up and head to pick up the munchkins. Momma is there and snuggling with Freida. Now let me say (in a very loving way) that my mom is the biggest most bestest germaphobe that ever walked the earth. She does not come in the same room as someone who is sick let alone hold them. But yet Freida is okay because she is in Bah's arms. So I ask them if they are ready to go home to which Freida replies no... but as the next words come out of my mouth.... and Bah can walk us home.. She eagerly says yes. So we run home in the rain, get upstairs and settled in my apartment, and once again Freida wants nowhere but Bahs arms. With being able to look over about every thirty seconds and say I love you mommy. The best of both worlds.. how fabulously safe and taken care of my little bit must have felt. And Bah must have known this because she stayed to snuggle. Then Bah offered to go get her "sick pop" aka 7-up. She says okay and says goodbye (the only time i have ever seen her not try to get my mom to leave).
So we snuggle while she is gone, Freida falls asleep on my arm but wakes when I go to lay her down so the three of us snuggle some more while we watch Mickey Mouse. I see bah pull up which is the signal for me to run down. wow she went for pop whats all this? she hands me the things with these instructions... "These two bags are open because they are for the munchkins.. not all tonight but for tomorrow too. These two bags are for you to leave at the bottom of the stairs till they go to bed cause they are just for mommy. (they were tied shut). This is the sick pop in a big bottle. And these (handing over a dozen roses and babies breath) are so you know that if you are a mommy you are ALWAYS beautiful." Yea I teared up. So I gave kids sick pop, special juice, and oyster crackers for their night time snack. Put them to bed, arranged my roses piece by piece in a vase, and went to get the bags.
One held light bulbs for the kitchen lights that were all burned out but one but I had no money to replace, and the 7 year new bulbs to switch in other rooms that she must have noticed were out as well. The other bag held tapioca pudding (my favorite), ravioli, sauce, chocolate, and little wieners. A mommy dinner, with desert, and wiener. lol.. I'm crying again. Cried when I opened them up, and cried when I'm typing this.
So I've decided that when i grow up I want to be my momma. She is unlike anyone I have ever know. She has always been there for me, even when I've pushed her away. She always knows what to do, say, or give to touch me in just the right way. I aspire to be her, but doubt I will ever get to her level. I hope someday my kids will look at me and see an ounce of what my mom is. Then my life will be fulfilled.
So tomorrow is Monday. First week of a new year.. and back to life as usual. tomorrow the whole routine starts over of not being able to hit the snooze button one more time. No extra 9 minutes before the daily life starts. Must bet up, must gets kids up, get breakfast, get them ready, get me ready, gather everything needed for day with hopefully no forgetful items in there.... Bring Freida to the sitters house, pick up her two boys, get her two and Fred into my car, bring her two boys to school, drive to my sons new school (first day in their new building), then get me to work! And yes people.. that is allllll before Eight AM!! I'm exhausted already. But on the upside Fred is ECSTATIC that he gets to go back. That little guy loves homework, school, everything about it! I'm sure it will fade one day but it helps now.
On another front Boyfriend and I are no longer. It just wasn't something for the long haul or for the much longer haul so I figured why drag it out. I laid it out that i had to think about some things, and that i didn't want our relationship to revolve around just sex. and that was two days ago. But I don't miss him so I guess it was the right thing to do.
The nice thing is I've realized I'm worth it. And I don't have to settle. And you know what.... I don't need a man to make me happy. I'm a good, strong person who will find someone if its meant to be. And no man can fill a hole that I've made in myself if I don't fix it first!
So I don't need to make a new years resolution this year... if i did it would be to go crazy this year!! But.. I did go crazy on Dec 31, 2007 Through Jan 1, 2008. In my little two bedroom apartment... I went crazy. All the way, totally and completely! Why you ask? Juicy you say it sounds? Want all the gory details? It was me.. and 3 boys and 3 girls. P-A-R-T-YYYY like a rock star.. all the way.. cough cough... okay so it was me in my little apartment with my two kids, Gigi's son, and my two nieces and nephew. Thats right 6 kids and just little old me. Lol. I must have gone crazy right?? It was fun though.. Gigis son came over and him and Fred and Freida put on Happy new Year necklaces, drank sparkling grape juice from mini margarita glasses, ate pizza rolls and alphabet spaghetti o's. They thought they were gods! Then the other kids arrived and they ran crazy for about 10 minutes.. then I said okay heres the plan. I put Rattatouille on and made pop corn with extra butter and grape kool aid. Every one took a seat on the couch, put blankets on , snuggled down and watched a movie and ate popcorn and cookies. They actually sat still for a long part of the movie.. then got up and played quietly on the living room floor while watching the movie. then came bed time.. i know.. everyone reading this just grimaced. Gigi's son went down first as i knew he would have to be asleep before anyone got there. He went down in the playpen at the end of my bed. Then in the kids room I tried to put my niece to sleep but she hasnt stayed anywhere but her house pretty much so she wanted sissy. So before long it was time anyway. I put Fred and my nephew in my bed. Then put My two nieces in the bottom bunk of the kids room, and Freida in the top bunk. And waited. And went fromt he couch to one room, to the other, to the other, and back.. lol. About 10:30 everyone had fallen asleap (or so I thought) and you have to figure... six kids in a strange house, not used to sleeping together, not bad even if you did start at 7:30 right? but then i knew I heared my son talking so i went to calm him down. He is used to having a night light and I had no extra to put in that room.. and i couldnt just take it away from the girls. So i went to calm him down... to discover he had gotten in the bed with the baby and woke him up!! UUGGHH.. so i dragged him out of there and put the baby back to bed. I ended up on the couch sleeping with fred who at 4 1/2 is all elbows and knees. Of course after forcing him to stay still for less than 3 minutes he was O-U-T. So once he started snoring I picked him up and put him in the bed. Ahhh.. I layed down to go to sleep .. on my couch.. under a little blanket (as opposed to my nice euro-top queen bed with extra fluffy comforter) only to be woken up at midnight by the crazy antics of my neighbors screaming happy new year. gee.. Thanks.. glad i know. So woke up to realize that Fred had apparently woken up and came back out here and fallen asleep on me. So I got up to go to the bathroom, then came out and layed on the other couch and slept till kids woke me up at 6:30. We had a doughnut buffet gracias to Gigi. Then they played for a few hours till their parents came to get them. And then i exhaled.. lol. it was fun though, but would I do it again? I don't know.. maybe. but not next year.. OH NO. I figure i've paid my debt I should have NO problem finding a babysitter next year So me and boyfriend (please suggest a name) can go out!
