Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I'm back in the saddle again.

So.. I've started my diet... again. Last time i did so good loosing 20 lbs like it was nothing. But then my sugar kept dropping and if that has ever happened to you.. frankly it sucks. So I had to eat more often and the diet foods just were not keeping my sugar constant enough. So yes.. I used it as an excuse to stop. Then I realized that for the last few weeks I've been putting scrubs on at work. When I don't work I put on jeans when I have to go out somewhere... and as soon as I get home I take off the jeans and put on pj bottoms. I mean come on.. when you have to take your pants off due to lack of oxygen its time to do something about it right?!?!?!

So once again.. a small breakfast, a good lunch, with a salad and 2 servings of fruit, and a good dinner with 2 servings of vegetables. And for desert I'll have another serving of fruit and a glass of milk. I've also drank ALLOT of water!! guh. dieting sucks. But i will admit that its a good feeling to be full and not sooooo stuffed I cant move!

So heres to me... again..

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My Mission.. whether I choose to accept it or not...

The Mission(okay so I accept willingly!)
-Share five random/weird things about myself.
-Share five places that I want to see or see again.
-Tag five random people and link to them and let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Five Random/Weird things about myself:
1) I can wiggle my nose like a rabbit.
2) I can make my pectoral muscles (aka my boobs) dance like a guy can.
3) My 3rd and 4th toes on my right foot are partially webbed together.
4)I LOVE to clip coupons.. although I rarely use them.
5) I would be a serogate mother or a foster mom in the blink of an eye

Five places I want to see/see again:
1) Getysburg.. you really cant believe the power of that place unless you go there.
2) Venice, Italy .. I have ALWAYS wanted to go there.. even if it is dirty.
3) Boulder Colorado.. Much like tracy I want to go here due to my smut novels!
4) Mexico... Always have wanted to.
5) Disney in the next two years with my kids.

Five People I'm Taging:
1) Gypsy Queen at Chasing the highs
2) Lainey-Paney at Life is Just so Daily
3) Pea Pod at Two Peas in a Pod
4) D at Studio D News
5) Sheri at My Minivan is faster that yours

(that was alot harder since I couldnt to people that Tracy had done!)

Okay people.. tag your it!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

7 things to do before i'm 30

So I'm a total lifetime movie addict. I LOVE them!! They are sappy, and raunchy. And I cant stop watching them! Every Sat night there is a new one on tv. I set my Tivo to record every week. Yesterdays was called "7 things to do before I'm 30." It was about a list a girl made when she was 12ish and found at 29 and decided in month before her birthday she was going to complete the list she had forgotten about. So I decided why not! I'm 25 so I have 5 years which I think is much more practical. So If you decide to do this list for yourself just chose your next significant bday and go to listing! So here goes...

7 Things to do Before I'm 30:
1) Get a Tattoo
2) Get my own Cell phone
3) Live in a house again (not an apartment)
4) Pay off my marriage bills
5) Bring the kids to Disney
6) Not overdraw my checking account for over 12 months.. twice
7) Have over $1,000 in a savings account

so there they are. My practical, unpractical, dreams, and goals for the next 5 years.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Meme from me

So here goes.. this came from Tracy who got if from Bee. so if you are reading this... TAG YOUR IT!! Oh and if anyone figures out what a Meme is.. you will get double points!!

Heres how it works:
1. Click on this link. . The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. Click on this link. . The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. Click on this link. . The third picture is your album cover.
4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together and you’re done.

SOOOOOO.. Heres me:
My Band name is:

Romeo Stavarache

My Album title is:
normal state of consciousness.

And my album cover is.. (drum roll please)

My Band makes music that is very Alanis Moriset. Dont let the name fool you, I know it SOUNDS like it would be classical. But sometimes you need something moody, sometimes bitchy, sometimes loving, sometimes man hating. We meet all of the characteristics!!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Moment

So I made dinner again from my Kraft magazine that comes in the mail. It was amazing as were the last three things that I made from it. I usually either turn on GAC on the TV or turn music on my computer with dinner. The kids like the music and it hides eating noises.. lol.. yes eating noises are my biggest pet peeve. Anyway I'm listening to Billy Ray Cyrus' song "Ready, Set, Don't Go" Its amazing and if you like him or not doesn't matter. If you are a parent you should listen to it. I like the version with just him better than the one with him and his daughter Millie.. aka Hanna Montana. I first heard this song when it was on a music video. I had missed it before and it made me cry. He wrote it about his daughter. About how they will leave and follow their dreams and even though you don't want to you support them. It was just on while we were eating and I found myself stopping eating to look at my babies. They are so not babies anymore. Fred is 4 1/2 and Freida is 3. So grown up. Fred will be in Kindergarten in the "big school" next year and Freida will be in Preschool. I'm having a hard time with the transition of not having babies. So anyway... I was looking at them remembering. When they were born was the two most amazing days of my life bar none. Their first words, first steps, first true Love you mama. That one where you see it in their eyes and its not just a reaction to something they are supposed to say. It all just flew through my head like a movie. I looked at Freida again and she glanced up at me. All disheveled from play today, hair in her face from bending over to eat. A smear of Sun Dried Tomato dressing on her cheek. She gave me this little smile while turning her head to the side. And I saw it. That look. The moment. The one that I will undoubtedly repeat so many times. When she drives away in her car for the first time. When she is leaving for the Prom. When she is getting on a plane to go to college. Okay hopefully there will be no plane as I will undoubtedly die if either of them go that far away. I saw those moments that my mom told me about not long ago. The day I was having a break down about not having babies anymore. When she said OH.. have you seen this? or this? or this? Well mom, I just saw what those moments will be like in the eyes of my daughter. Heaven help me. I don't know how all of you moms of older children did it. I don't want them to grow up. I treasure every day as I know all to soon they will be gone.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The quiz

So i received this by email.. but I'm going to reply on here... So hope you look here Jo

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was.... To long ago by a man.. but I want next time to mean something special
2. I am listening to...Superman on TV and monkeys playing
3. I talk...allot.. without breathing allot!!
4. I love... My kids more than life itself.
5. My best friends...Gigi, Jo, Mom, Christie
6. My Car is...the Green Goblin.. and yes it rocks!
7. My lovely life...Life? Life ain't always beautifull.. but it's a beautifull ride.
8. I hate it when people ask...Whats wrong? Seriously people.. it would take too long to fill you in and lets face it.. you really dont care!
9. Love is....Something I hope I can find again. Only this time to last. FOREVER.
10. Marriage is.. Something I always wanted, loved when I had, something i miss desperatly, something I tried very hard to keep, something it was healthy for me to get out of, the hardest thing I ever left.
11. Somewhere someone is thinking... gosh.. if only my life was less stressful.. oh wait.. that was me thinking that!
12. I'm, cooking, working.
13. I have a secret cheesy crush...Patrick Dempsey, Matthew McCoughney... hahaha Sorry Jo had to take off the last one.
15. My cell the only phone I have right now.
16. When I wake up in the morning..I get up, get kids up, give hugs, make breakfast, do hair, make up, dress kids (and me), run out the door, drop 3 kids at two schools, get to work.
17. When I go to bed at night... I wish that I could go to sleep faster, sleep longer.

18. Right now I am thinking about...I'm SO damn sick of having headaches!!
19. Babies are...the best EVAH
20. I get on Myspace....About once a day to check if i have anything new.
21. Today I...Worked on OSHA manuals all day!! probably the reson for the headache.
22. Tonight I will... take care of kidos.
23. Tomorrow I will...spend quality time with kidos. and Go get milk and eggs
24. I really want to be...a good mom.
25. Someone that will most likely repost this is... I'll say Tracy.. although not right away.. shell save it for a rainy day!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sleep problems

So anyone who has been reading my blogs very long knows that Fred has sleeping issues. I have also said before that I think he has ADHD. I started looking online about his not sleeping well. Found out there are a few causes.. read allot... and thought you know I think he has ADD or ADHD. I mentioned this to Gigi as well and she said she had been thinking that but wasn't sure how to say it without offending me. So the more I read and observed fred.. i realized he definitely had one of them. So I asked doctor.. then another.. then another. I was told.. he must not need that much sleep, he was to young to have add etc, he was a normal toddler, i needed to let him sleep with me, I needed to dicapline him more. Every time I left crying and hopeless. i KNEW as his mom that he had a problem. At his sisters appointment last week I again voiced my concerns. She recomended that I bring him to a child psychologist to be evaluated. So today was the appointment. It was the first time I have not left a office in tears. She said that he definatly had signs of adhd. He was active, and yes all toddlers are active, but his was above and beyond the amount of normal curiosity or activity. Laws now state that a child under the age of five can not be put on medication for ADD or ADHD. which is fine by me. I do not WANT to put Fred onto medication. Then we addressed his sleep issues. Ever since Fred was little he has had problems going to sleep. I said it once in a way that makes the most sense.... at night he just wont "shut off" .. If i am laying there with him putting his arm back down, quieting him, calming him he will go to sleep but on his own it takes a good two hours. And yes Ive tried everything in the book. Routines, longer routines, tiring him out, etc. So she agreed that he was not getting enough sleep and that yes, it appeared that it was interfering with his life now. So there is a non-habit forming medication that they give to children with behavioral problems (aka adhd) who also have sleeping problems. It is commonly used in adults for high blood pressure but used correctly it is effective at sleep problems in children. It only stays in the body for 6 hours so there is absolutely no risk of dependency. At this point it is about improving Fred's quality of life. I believe that if I can just help him sleep this will also help in his daily activities. I do not want to put him on medication.. but if he was diabetic would I think about giving him insulin? no. This problem is interfering from him living a full life.. and now I'm going to help him.
However.. naturally.. when i told Dick about this he flipped. Everything from i constantly have the kids on medication, to I should discipline him more, I shouldn't put him to bed when i do, I should spend more time with him, I should put him with another sitter, I just wanted to chalk him full of drugs, i didn't want to deal with him, I should spank more time out less, I just wanted him (Dick) to have to pay more money. You think he may have said it and trust me.. he yelled it at me. rudely, and with many obscenities. I hung up on him three times because I would not allow him to talk to me this way. I was balling uncontrollably because this was not about me.. this was about Fred and how his life was. It is no way to live being tired, cranky, and unable to concentrate when he has no say so or ability to not be that way. So I made Dick an appointment with the Doctor to talk with her about what she feels about Fred, what the medication is about, and how to proceed from here. I will get in touch with her after that to see how it went and to discus where to go from here.
I understand his reservations.. I do.. I dont want our four year old to be on medication either. BUT if he needs it to live a good life then so be it. Now legally I do NOT have have his permission to give Fred a medication to help him. Would it make it easier.. absolutely. But I am the one who is with Fred all the time, I am the one who takes care of him. And its not just me. Other people have asked me if i have considered getting him tested for this as well. I am not crazy I just finally found someone who sees the problem from a medical standpoint. I just hope that Dick will come to his senses and realize this is what is best for Fred. It will make everyones life better.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Knock on wood

So I haven't had a phone for about a week now.. but somehow i still have dsl. So hopefully no one who is reading this works for at and t right now. lol.... Well its been a really rough week sorry i haven't been able to get on the computer. Tuesday I brought Freida to the doctor and she had Strep throat, An ear infection, and bronchitis. all at once. Fred went to the Doctor on Friday and he has strep as well. Now the minute I saw either one of them sniffle wrong I started on Airborne. Which I swear by for life now. Thursday i went to work and my voice started sounding frogy before lunch. By the end of the day I sounded like a squeaker toy. Friday i woke up with no voice. okay well i had a voice but i had to yell to come out as a whisper. And there was no one to work for me.. but that was okay since I couldnt afford to take a day off work anyway. So I came home got some sleep, rested and had a little voice on Saturday. I had my company Christmas party on Saturday and that was a ton of fun. I didn't want to go at first so I'm very glad that I was the designated present-getter for the doctors.. because it made me go. I knew I'd be okay once I got there it was just the getting there feeling sad, sorry for myself, alone, and ugly part. you know.. just something little.. lol. But it was a blast, we had appetizers, dinner, white elephant game. And we got a present from our Doctors... it was a fondue set and cookbook from Williams-Sonoma. it is TO DIE FOR.. i love it. The funny thing is two girls last week said to me whats Williams-Sonoma?? since that was where I got one of the Dr's a gift certificate to from all of us. I was like what is Williams-Sonoma? its like a candy store for your eyes!!!f So I was elated naturally. Lets see.. today my voice is still better but not to full par. But I'm sure that the reason I got so little was due to the airborne... everyone should keep it on hand!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

warning: this is not a blog

So This is not a blog.. I blogged late last night and will again later.. but just so you know if i mysteriously disappear it is due to my phone company turning it off. My phones got turned off last night and yet this am I still have my dsl. If thy turn it off I wont be back for a couple weeks :-(

Monday, January 7, 2008

When I grow up I want to be...

So Freida is getting sick.. or so I thought.. her little nose was running, her cough was going deep in her chest causing her to lurch forward and grab her chest with each rasp. I was planing on getting her into the dr tomarow on my day off, so brought her to the sitter. On my lunch I had to go to the store to buy some Delsym.. which is the worlds most kick ass cough syrup evah! Yes its expensive, yes the taste is gritty... but you wont cough for 12 freaking hours i kid you not! anyway so i brought it to the sitters and went back to work. I get a call at work at 3 pm and the girl tells me that my sitter is on the phone. UH OH... Gigi never calls unless something is REALLY bad. she says that since noon (its 3 pm) Freida has thrown up five times. She wont hold down a teaspoon of liquid, medacine, 1/4 piece of bread.. nothing. She is also burning up. She has no thermomoter but she knows it is high. High enough for her to have put her in the bath not once but TWICE... which has not worked. I'm freaking out... I cant leave there is no one to cover for me, she is so sick, I dont know what is wrong. I attend to my patients then the next break I got I called my momma. I said I think I need to take Freida to the ER after work, not sure she can wait till the morning, and would she come watch Fred for an hour or so while i did that. She says of course but what is going on with Freida. So I tell her it all, in the midst of which I hear my own voice cracking... And I'm usually level headed in the face of soemthing like this. She reasures me that unless it is A, B, or C that the ER wont really be able to do much, and unless she is dehydrated she will probably be more comfy.. as will I at home. Okay well she said it a little different but that is the gist of what my overworked, overtired, overworied brain could take in. So I go about my patients till my next break when I call Gigi for a check in, and relay what my momma said. She agreed much to our chagrin due to her condition. So I asked my mom if there was any way she could get a night light on the way home as I had forgotten to get one on my lunch hour and (this could be a whole nother blog) that is why I didnt get anysleep last night... cause theirs broke. Of course she says again.

So I get done, quick clean up and head to pick up the munchkins. Momma is there and snuggling with Freida. Now let me say (in a very loving way) that my mom is the biggest most bestest germaphobe that ever walked the earth. She does not come in the same room as someone who is sick let alone hold them. But yet Freida is okay because she is in Bah's arms. So I ask them if they are ready to go home to which Freida replies no... but as the next words come out of my mouth.... and Bah can walk us home.. She eagerly says yes. So we run home in the rain, get upstairs and settled in my apartment, and once again Freida wants nowhere but Bahs arms. With being able to look over about every thirty seconds and say I love you mommy. The best of both worlds.. how fabulously safe and taken care of my little bit must have felt. And Bah must have known this because she stayed to snuggle. Then Bah offered to go get her "sick pop" aka 7-up. She says okay and says goodbye (the only time i have ever seen her not try to get my mom to leave).

So we snuggle while she is gone, Freida falls asleep on my arm but wakes when I go to lay her down so the three of us snuggle some more while we watch Mickey Mouse. I see bah pull up which is the signal for me to run down. wow she went for pop whats all this? she hands me the things with these instructions... "These two bags are open because they are for the munchkins.. not all tonight but for tomorrow too. These two bags are for you to leave at the bottom of the stairs till they go to bed cause they are just for mommy. (they were tied shut). This is the sick pop in a big bottle. And these (handing over a dozen roses and babies breath) are so you know that if you are a mommy you are ALWAYS beautiful." Yea I teared up. So I gave kids sick pop, special juice, and oyster crackers for their night time snack. Put them to bed, arranged my roses piece by piece in a vase, and went to get the bags.

One held light bulbs for the kitchen lights that were all burned out but one but I had no money to replace, and the 7 year new bulbs to switch in other rooms that she must have noticed were out as well. The other bag held tapioca pudding (my favorite), ravioli, sauce, chocolate, and little wieners. A mommy dinner, with desert, and wiener. lol.. I'm crying again. Cried when I opened them up, and cried when I'm typing this.

So I've decided that when i grow up I want to be my momma. She is unlike anyone I have ever know. She has always been there for me, even when I've pushed her away. She always knows what to do, say, or give to touch me in just the right way. I aspire to be her, but doubt I will ever get to her level. I hope someday my kids will look at me and see an ounce of what my mom is. Then my life will be fulfilled.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Back to normal life

So tomorrow is Monday. First week of a new year.. and back to life as usual. tomorrow the whole routine starts over of not being able to hit the snooze button one more time. No extra 9 minutes before the daily life starts. Must bet up, must gets kids up, get breakfast, get them ready, get me ready, gather everything needed for day with hopefully no forgetful items in there.... Bring Freida to the sitters house, pick up her two boys, get her two and Fred into my car, bring her two boys to school, drive to my sons new school (first day in their new building), then get me to work! And yes people.. that is allllll before Eight AM!! I'm exhausted already. But on the upside Fred is ECSTATIC that he gets to go back. That little guy loves homework, school, everything about it! I'm sure it will fade one day but it helps now.

On another front Boyfriend and I are no longer. It just wasn't something for the long haul or for the much longer haul so I figured why drag it out. I laid it out that i had to think about some things, and that i didn't want our relationship to revolve around just sex. and that was two days ago. But I don't miss him so I guess it was the right thing to do.

The nice thing is I've realized I'm worth it. And I don't have to settle. And you know what.... I don't need a man to make me happy. I'm a good, strong person who will find someone if its meant to be. And no man can fill a hole that I've made in myself if I don't fix it first!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

My New year

So I don't need to make a new years resolution this year... if i did it would be to go crazy this year!! But.. I did go crazy on Dec 31, 2007 Through Jan 1, 2008. In my little two bedroom apartment... I went crazy. All the way, totally and completely! Why you ask? Juicy you say it sounds? Want all the gory details? It was me.. and 3 boys and 3 girls. P-A-R-T-YYYY like a rock star.. all the way.. cough cough... okay so it was me in my little apartment with my two kids, Gigi's son, and my two nieces and nephew. Thats right 6 kids and just little old me. Lol. I must have gone crazy right?? It was fun though.. Gigis son came over and him and Fred and Freida put on Happy new Year necklaces, drank sparkling grape juice from mini margarita glasses, ate pizza rolls and alphabet spaghetti o's. They thought they were gods! Then the other kids arrived and they ran crazy for about 10 minutes.. then I said okay heres the plan. I put Rattatouille on and made pop corn with extra butter and grape kool aid. Every one took a seat on the couch, put blankets on , snuggled down and watched a movie and ate popcorn and cookies. They actually sat still for a long part of the movie.. then got up and played quietly on the living room floor while watching the movie. then came bed time.. i know.. everyone reading this just grimaced. Gigi's son went down first as i knew he would have to be asleep before anyone got there. He went down in the playpen at the end of my bed. Then in the kids room I tried to put my niece to sleep but she hasnt stayed anywhere but her house pretty much so she wanted sissy. So before long it was time anyway. I put Fred and my nephew in my bed. Then put My two nieces in the bottom bunk of the kids room, and Freida in the top bunk. And waited. And went fromt he couch to one room, to the other, to the other, and back.. lol. About 10:30 everyone had fallen asleap (or so I thought) and you have to figure... six kids in a strange house, not used to sleeping together, not bad even if you did start at 7:30 right? but then i knew I heared my son talking so i went to calm him down. He is used to having a night light and I had no extra to put in that room.. and i couldnt just take it away from the girls. So i went to calm him down... to discover he had gotten in the bed with the baby and woke him up!! UUGGHH.. so i dragged him out of there and put the baby back to bed. I ended up on the couch sleeping with fred who at 4 1/2 is all elbows and knees. Of course after forcing him to stay still for less than 3 minutes he was O-U-T. So once he started snoring I picked him up and put him in the bed. Ahhh.. I layed down to go to sleep .. on my couch.. under a little blanket (as opposed to my nice euro-top queen bed with extra fluffy comforter) only to be woken up at midnight by the crazy antics of my neighbors screaming happy new year. gee.. Thanks.. glad i know. So woke up to realize that Fred had apparently woken up and came back out here and fallen asleep on me. So I got up to go to the bathroom, then came out and layed on the other couch and slept till kids woke me up at 6:30. We had a doughnut buffet gracias to Gigi. Then they played for a few hours till their parents came to get them. And then i exhaled.. lol. it was fun though, but would I do it again? I don't know.. maybe. but not next year.. OH NO. I figure i've paid my debt I should have NO problem finding a babysitter next year So me and boyfriend (please suggest a name) can go out!