This Blog Is Rated:

So ... I'm not sure but i think I've mentioned that Dick has not been getting the kids for his visitation. So this is his weekend. You know.. that one time that i get two not even whole days to do as i please.. and what i need to get done... god bless my children I don't know what I'd do without them.. but when you are the sole responsibility of two toddlers.. a break is in order every once in a while. And I'm trying to not feel guilty about that. So The phone just rings

**** WARNING: this is where we go rated Dick*********************

It is dick.. and he says.. if i have to get the kids later and not early on Friday or not get them at all this weekend would that be alright? I'm like.. and say.. "What!!" in calm horrified amazement... he says.. Do you remember Angel (name changed) I say who? as my brain is not functioning out of the shock yet. He says.. Angel Died last night and my dad is finding out when the wake and funeral is... if it is in Tennessee then I have to drive. And wont get the kids. I say "ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!? You aren't going to get the kids at all this weekend"" He then says.. I'm just fucking asking are you listening to a damn thing I'm saying!!" I'm asking if you have plans or if that would be okay" I say.. "Dick I kind of have plans... I get one weekend a month... " and then i was cut off by him saying.. "WELL I DIDN'T PLAN ON SOMEONE DYING YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!" and then he hangs up.
Now someone dying is horrible. And it was a family friend but not a family member. I understand him wanting to go. I understand him wanting to drive his dad. I do NOT understand him not taking his kids again. I NEED A BREAK!!!

Where does he get off still swearing at me and calling me names!! Seriously!!!! I'm sooo sick of it. And I cant end the conversation there cause he hangs up on me. Oh and add to the above story that he put in the divorce papers that on his weekend he is not getting the kids until Friday.. when he could get them on Thursday.. so he is choosing to not take his visitation.. he is choosing to not take them on a day when he could.. I'M SO TIRED OF IT... SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!

Sunday

So today I became a godparent. Gigi's youngest son is my godson. It was such a honor to be chosen. It was during church and he is a very active little guy so it was very interesting and did not want to sit still at the front of the church while the paster was talking. lol.... then right after Gigi brought him to the nursery and as walking out of the room he says very loudly BYE! which made the whole congregation laugh out loud.

Lets see what else... I made banana bread last night from a recipe i got off of recipe zarr... its an amazing site and the bread was soooo good. I'd never made it with spices in it.. it was delicious!!
I watched a movie last night. The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. It was soooo good. It will probably be my new cry movie. You know when you are so over stressed that you just need a good cry but you need something to break the damn!?!? It used to be the Story of Us.. but I wont be watching that for a while. The Pursuit was so touching. Reminded me that people have it worse and gave me a deep drive to better my life for my children. It was so touching.. and yes.. I balled like a baby. I highly recommend it.

I know not a big post.. but trying to get back into the swing of blogging daily.. so there was my little weekend.

This is me.

Hello all. Yes that right... Its 4:06 am.. and i'm blogging. after having visited a couple blogs to read up and leave comments. I couldnt go to bed till 12:06 and here I am having been up for like over an hour already. sigh. That means that if i didnt get to comment on yours i will try to later today. I mean... There are alot of you.... but the two little people in the other room will be up. and if i EVER hope to keep up with them in what ever our ventures today may be.... I must try to sleep again. I havent had trouble sleeping in quite a while... but have the past four days including tonight. Hopefully its all just do to stress with the divorce yesterday. So Heres hoping that i can sleep again soon!!

So Yesterday was pretty uneventfull... went to the court house with my mama as moral support. *** thanks a bunch mom****** then i sat in the court room till my lawyer got there. talked to him for a minute. then we had to wait for Dick to get there So that we could sign the papers to actually get divorced.. which his lawyer was bringing with her. (Yea thats right his lawyer was a little size two blond bimbo) So they came.. my lawyer called me out... we went over the changes most of which were done.... so i signed it. went back in waited for him to sign.. got called up to the front of the court. He took the stand... I took the stand and it was done. Afterwords we walked out. My mama asking me if i needed to talk to him or.. anything..... now to explain this after her and my dads divorce they cried through all the procedings... kissed at the end.. walked out hand in hand... then went to coffee and lunch. Yeah I know right.. anyone who knows anyone who has gone through a divorce knows that this is NOT normal. But she didnt know that. I kept saying No... what needed to be said had been said. Then I realized that he had told the sitter that we were going to discous that morning about him paying her. Sigh.. i went to call her to find out if he had when he droped the kids off so i didnt have to do this. But before i could he walked out of the courthouse. so i figured (yes i was dilusional but chalked it up to my moms stories of how nicely hers went forgeting how mine is) I would just go out and talk to him about it since he told Gigi the night before that he was going to discous it with me at just such a moment. SO i got out of the car with mom... walked to the sidewalk he was going down... asked if he had paid her this morning or what we needed to set up about that... and the conversation went down from there. I will say I was so deflated from the whole situation i didnt call him names, raise my voice, or say anything mean. But.. he did.. while yelling... on the sidewalk.. infront of the courthouse.. for all to see. And on top of that he acted like he had never even HAD the conversation with Gigi in the first place. never mind this had occured not even twelve hours before. So i turned walked back to moms car who stood looking in me at aww, horror, amazement (none in a good way) at what had just gone down... got in closed the door... and then and only then did I let the tears come out. I didnt cry in the court room although I came close... I didnt cry when he was screaming at me or even in front of him... So hopefuly that is something that i still have my dignity.

Then i went to spend four hours in the hospital!! No No.. i did not get hurt... i had to get a blood test series that took that long! They think.. and i think... that I might be diabetic. But not the normal high blood sugar diabetic.. my blood drops low like 62 non fasting low. I sweat, get shakey, tingly, light headed, tired. And at work we have a glucose meter so it was easy to check what my numbers were... for those of you unawhare that is a very low number for a non-fasting person. I mean it couldbe lower yes... but you know.. since i was about to FAINT... when i get that way i have to drink some oj to up my blood sugar.

From there things went up... my mom brought me, Fred and Freida to my sis' house. And we played with the kids, knitted, and smoked. Okay so i dont smoke, but i did take a second hand smokers brake!... okay and i didnt get much knitting done at all.. but lets face it... I WAS FREAKING EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i think the day that i had warents that. And its my blog ... so i'm ALWAYS right on here.. muahhh hahhh aaahhhhhhh.

Anyway So i'm going to make a REALLY HONEST TO GOD HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHARD effort to blog almost daily... and to call and visit people. I'm sure the visiting will not happen all so often but at least i'm going to try to call more... i promise.... I'll try ;-)