Sunday, August 12, 2007

the drop off

tonight Dick came to drop off the kids in his usual manner. while i turned to walk back in with the children he asked if i was going to sign the papers. To which i replied (calmly and nicely) did you talk to your lawyer about the things i said last week? he said what things there was one. I said no... and proceeded to tell him the three. I walked in walkway with kids and he called me names in front of the kids, then slammed the door... As Fred was turning back out it to give him a hug. Fred jumped back and looked at me with shock. I was pissed that he would have such disregard for his son... so i stormed out the door (okay looking back this probably wasn't the right move) .... i barely had it open when he came .. BOUNDING over at me... i honestly do not remember if he actually pushed me back or if i jumped back to avoid being pushed.. but either way i was slammed up to the door... and he had his finger to my nose screaming two inches from my face about how i was such a bitch and i was going to pay half the fees or get my own lawyer and pay for it myself cause he wasn't going to deal with this shit......

In the mean time i turned my head to the side to turn away from him and see my kids standing watching this... with a look of horror and fright. I try to inch to the side to go to them and he inches as well... finally i get past and he is screaming that I am a piece of shit that he wishes he never met as I'm trying to talk happy to the kids over him even as my insides are being torn out. Not only at the fact of what he is saying but to the fact that he did this in front of the kids.. i get around the turn in the downstairs hallway and all the sudden both kids burst into hysterical tears. I stop right there go down to their level and hug them talking soothing and asking what is wrong. Big shocker.. they say that daddy scared them and they didn't like how he was screaming and wanted a hug from him... So i go upstairs with them call him and say "You scared you kids if you ever do that again so help you god... they want to talk to you... and passed the phone to each of them. It required twenty minutes of mommy cuddling and talking and two more calls to daddy to calm them down.

Add to that that he says when they first got out of the car that he is working Mon-Fri this week so instead of getting them overnight on Thurs that he will call me or gigi (who watches them while I'm at work) and pick them up two days this week for a couple hours. I said.. no you will get them Friday night then if you cant on Thursday night. He screams that's not how it works.. its not my weekend to have them!!! (cause you know.. god forbid it should take one night out of his partying to see his children) So i turned and looked at him and said... then don't see them if its not... your choice.

Who is this person....... I have appointment tomorrow on my lunch hour with the lawyer in my building. I am not going for anything.. i don't want anything... i just want these papers to be equal... completely fair..... but if I'm getting my own lawyer you bet your ass i am doing one thing and one thing only. I will be making him have to pay for the fees.

I'm not saying the problems in our marriage were not all his fault. We both had our faults...BUT the reason it ended the way it did WAS because of what HE did. And i will not take fault for him putting his hands on multiple other people, not coming home, or passing out while watching Fred and Freida.


Mrs. Jo said...

OH my..I can't believe he did that in front of the kids(well I guess I kinda can). I am sooo sorry that your kids had to witness that. It had to be heartbreaking as a parent to have your kids be there. He just is seeming so irrational with his way of thinking..if only he could be an adult for once in his life. Hang in there girl you are strong..and you have LOTS of people here to support you. Lean on us ANY time you need to. You don't deserve that kind of on does

Tracy said...

I'm almost speechless..almost....I am so sorry to you and your children for having to go through that. He is such an ASSHOLE! Has he always been that way with his temper? Mrs. Jo is right, you don't deserve anyone talking to you like that and your kids should never have had to see that. I hope you tell your lawyer about this and about his inconsistent visits with his kids. He shouldn't be able to tell you when he's going to take them or not. I am so angry about this! Argh!!!!

Pokey Puppy said...

no he has not been like this.. he has never.. i repeat NEVER even ACTED like he was going to lay a finger on me till tonight. Hes always had a temper but not like this.. this evil, name calling person i dont know.

Kim said...

How scary. I am sorry you had to deal with something like that, and in front of the children, too. :(

My ex and I don't have any legal custody orders...we were never married and we have tried to make decisions together, without involving courts. The only thing I have court-ordered is the child support. Part of me wishes that I had the custody and visitation situation court-ordered, but I don't have money for a lawyer.

The ex can be a jerk, too, so I feel your pain. *hugs*

Anonymous said...


I am so sorry you and the kids had to go through that. In no way is that acceptable or right! Even more so in front of the babies!

Kudos to you though for handling the situation so well and letting them call him even though I'm sure it was hard as hell to do.

Good job mommy!

Trebor said...

what a creep you stick it to him lol!

Lainey-Paney said...

Wow. your kids saw all that.

that's really awful.
I know that you tried to keep your cool....

In my opinion---not that you asked for it...but, in my opinion---the only thing you guys need to discuss in front of the kids are the kids themselves. If he asks about anything regarding the divorce, you might just say, "I'd rather not discuss it in front of the kids, so why don't I call you after they go to bed tonight?" That way, if it resorts to a screaming match---the kids don't see it, and you may even have to go outside so they won't hear it.
It's scary and painful to hear one parent say negative things about the other. In a child's mind, they may be thinking: he used to love mommy (or, she used to love daddy), so what if they fall out of love with me? What if they decide they don't want me anymore?
Are they going to scream at me???

Jenster said...

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for your kids. He really takes the cake.

Pokey Puppy said...

Lainey- Yes that is my stand point to.. and i did say this..but i guess he was the point of reasoning or hearing.. or for that mater WANTING to hear what i was saying.

Jenster.. thanks.. and yea.. only if its a mud cake with rotten worms inside ;-)