Monday, June 25, 2007

Invasion of the body snatchers

Seriously... in the words of someone i know... "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE"... i mean seriously was there a massive alien invasion and no one told me? Did the "Night of the Lepus" REALLY occur and i missed it?? Was the world taken over by giant aliens that suck your life out unless you stop breathing and i slept through it all?

Seriously someone has stolen my children.. where did they go? there bodies look the same... but I'm telling you .. these are NOT my children. You know come to think of it they do look a little taller... and are crankier... so here is what i am thinking.... Last night after i fell asleep the killer _____ (fill in from your favorite sci-fi movie) came and abducted my children. Put them in a stretcher device (which made them slightly taller) so they couldn't escape. Sucked their brains out. Put the brains in a jar that reprogrammed them to their current state. Put the brains back in and used that little thingy from men in black to make them forget what happened.

That is the only way that my sweet little angels.. the ones i literally created inside my womb... could have turned into these children in my presence. How else can you explain the stain on my floor? oh what stain you say? this morning I gave Fred and Freida their monkey juice while I was making breakfast (for those of you who don't know monkey juice.. its Danimals drinks) then i gave them their breakfast. Freida by this point had thrown her empty container away and Fred's was cast to the side. Silly me for not being sure they were empty i know. So i gave them White Grape Juice to drink (THANK GOD it was white). Then i went to the bathroom to get ready for work. Next thing i know Freida is running down the hall at me followed by Fred freaking out. Ends up Fred up ended his monkey juice (what was left) into his cup of juice.. then hit it over and it was all over the table.. dripping onto the chair (with an attached fabric pad.. non-removable btw).. then to the floor. AND the little runaway trail that was going directly into a puddle on the floor. Yea I know... no seriously.. stop laughing... SOOO not funny.

So then Fred and Freida go to the sitters and i go to work. Before leaving i inform them nicely (although i don't know how) that they were expected to behave, listen, and not be bad. HA!!

I returned after a day at work that could mean nothing other than there will be a full moon tonight... to being informed that he kicked, pushed, punched, and stole toys numerous toys today!!

oh and don't be thinking miss Freida was so Innocent in all this. oh no. She is 2 1/2 going on 13. I SWEAR there must be puberty at this age as well. You cant understand most of what she says but for the incessant whining, sniffling and pouting. Followed usually by a high pitched screeching of god knows what... which is supposed to inform me of what she really wants. Now when Fred was this age and did tantrums i would say "okay tell me when your done and well talk about it." and walk away. Apparently.. since she has ovaries ..... this same tactic results in HIGHER pitched screaming (if this was possible) which varies in tone depending on the word that is apparently mixed in to it. Add all that to the tattle tailing and leg kicking.. Oye

Seriously.. tell me this gets easier.. okay never mind I'm sure i don't want the REAL answer to that question!!

4 comments:

Chris said...

Okay, it gets easier ;-)

Not really. But I wanted to make you feel better :-)

You've met Liberty. You KNOW it doesn't get any better! Just a whole new set of 'aaaggghhhh's' on my end :-D

Slackermommy said...

Some things will get easier and other things will get harder. Those tantrums can certainly send a mommy over the edge. My feisty red headed baby has turned up a notch on her tantrums lately. I'm in big trouble with that one.

Pokey Puppy said...

lol.. i hear red heads are worst than the rest.. is your little angel a girl or a boy?

Tracy said...

I would love to tell you that it gets easier but when someone told me that and it didn't I wanted to kill them.
I have two girls and I have to tell you, the screeching of incoherent sentences never goes away.
And I'm pretty sure that kids look at tattling as a sport. Who can do the most, who can find the fastest route to mommy, who can scream loud enough to be heard over the other.
May I suggest getting an Ipod? I find that if I wear mine most of the time with the music cranking in my ears and all I can see is their mouths moving and their fingers pointing but can't hear what they say, life is a lot easier. Think about it. :)