My frame

So obviously i have two kids from he title.. Allyse is 2 1/2 and Fred is 4

I try to do my very best for them. To be there for them no mater what else in my day i miss... i cook them good food, try to give them structure in the hurricane that is their life now, kiss the boo-boos, give the baths, snuggle in bed, read the books, talk about why that flower is that exact color and why it is not one shade different... and then explain it all again. I go and i go and i go.. trying to make it so that they will look back at this moment in their life's and if they do remember it , think to them selves... that was the hardest thing that she ever did but she was still a great mom while she was going through it.

If i could someday here those words come out of the mouths of one of my little angels then I will know that i have made it through the other side of the tunnel I'm stuck in.

I am so scared thought that while I'm crawling through to the other side trying to do all i can to take the best care of them that i possibly can that I'm missing the middle things. And come on... how good is it really to eat a double stuffed Oreo without the filling??

I heared a quote on TV tonight... "Once you become a mom you stop being a picture.... and become the frame." I loved it... but then i started thinking about my frame........... Its cracked i know that. I don't think its split through and through.... i hope not. I put a little piece of ducky tape (in Freds words) over the little cracks when i notice them. But what if I'm too busy trying to make the picture stay on the wall that i miss a crack.

What if i miss a crack and the frame brakes. What if it brakes and the picture falls.

Okay.. that was way to metaphor heavy.

I know life is full of the what ifs, and the could have been's..... i just hope someday soon that I'll get to the point of feeling whole again.... like it is okay to be me. just me. me and my babies. me and my two great kids. and that's okay. that the frame was not broken, it just needed some time to repair itself.